Sapphire Dreams
by Tobias Drake
Summary: First love is never easy. But when that loves challenges the foundation of normalcy, it can often be harder than most. Can love conquer all, or are some challenges simply too great?
1. Chapter 1: The Nerve

**I do not own Sailor Moon, a fancy restaurant, the patent for telephones, or the copyright for romance. I do own an Xbox, which is in no way relevant to this story. And remember: feedback is what helps a writer grow, and is always appreciated.**

Chapter One: Finding the Nerve

"Thanks for coming," Makoto's shaky voice spoke in the doorway, as she greeted one of her dearest friends at the door. "I really need someone to talk to, and it really seemed right up your alley. Come in, have a seat." Opening the door wide, she gestured inside for the long-haired blonde just outside.

"Absolutely," came the response of Minako Aino, a longtime friend and partner of the taller girl. Stepping over the threshold and into Makoto's apartment, she asked, "What seems to be the problem?" She took just one glance around the apartment as she entered; Makoto always managed to keep her place neat. To this day, she never quite understood how.

"Please," Makoto offered, "have a seat." She gestured to the couch, leading Minako over to it and sitting them both down on it. Taking a deep breath, and with a light blush on her face, she sighed. "I don't know quite how to say this, so I guess I'll just spit it out." A second passed by like an eternity, and then another, as she mustered to find the strength to speak. Finally, with all the will she could pull together, she stammered out, "I…Minako, I think…I'm in love."

"Well, I'm flattered," Minako teased, "But there is someone else I have my eyes on at the moment."

"Not with you!" Makoto lightly pushed Minako's head, tipping her over on the couch.

"Wait a minute," a malicious grin manifested on Minako's lips, "when you said this was 'up my alley', were you talking about my--"

"OKAY!" Makoto threw her arms up, rising from the couch. "I'm officially done with this conversation!"

Straining to speak through her laughter, Minako took a moment to calm herself before trying again. "I'm sorry, that was—" she caught herself as another giggle escaped her lips, before clearing her throat and continuing, sitting up on her arms. "That was mean. Really, I'm here to listen. But, Makoto…you being in love isn't anything new. You're in love every other day. Who's it with this time? Another guy who looks like your old sempai?"

"…no…." Makoto's voice was quiet, almost wistful as she stood facing into the kitchen. Her hand crept up to the wall, gently stroking the plaster as she thought to herself. "It's nothing like that. She's—"

"SHE?" Minako's eyes bulged, latching onto the word as soon as it was out of Makoto's mouth.

"What?! No, I didn't say she, I said—"

"You definitely just said she. Spill."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Panic gripped Makoto's voice, but Minako wasn't about to let go now.

"Is it one of us?" Makoto turned a beet red at the suggestion. "Ooh, it is, isn't it? I know, it's Usagi! That's why you're having so much trouble with this, because she's with Mamoru and it's driving you nuts!"

"No, it's not—"

"Or maybe it's Rei!" Minako was going nuts. She was up on the arm of the couch, not even looking at Makoto, just staring off at the ceiling piecing together the puzzle Makoto had just laid before her. "Strong. Solitary. Just like—"

"It's Ami!" Makoto exploded, terror in her eyes and gripping her heart immediately after as she realized she'd spoken too much.

A silent moment passed. Then another, as Makoto struggled to find the nerve to speak again. Minako, however, her grin only grew wider with every moment that passed. "Ami Mizuno and Makoto Kino. You know, I think I can almost see that." Minako waited for Makoto's blush, giving herself a little thrill, before continuing. Standing up, she walked over and placed her hand gently on Makoto's shoulder. "There are two kinds of people in this world, Mako. It's something Katarina once told me. There are posts and holes. The post goes into—"

"Minako," Makoto opened dryly, lifting her head to look the blonde in the eyes, "I don't know what that saying used to be, but wherever it's going isn't anywhere good."

"Look…never mind." Minako sighed, walking back towards the couch. "So," she plopped back down, "have you tried talking to Ami about this yet?"

"You're joking, right?" Makoto looked as though Minako had just suggested setting the house on fire. "You and I both know Ami. Her face would turn into a tomato and she'd go comatose at the first suggestion. Besides, for all I know she's probably seeing someone."

"Ami seeing someone?" This time it was Minako's turn to shoot the skeptical look. "Now you're just making excuses. We're the girl's entire social life. If she was seeing anybody, we'd know. Usagi wouldn't shut up about it for weeks."

Makoto sighed, resting her back against the wall and looking back at Minako on the couch. "So what do you think I should do?"

"Start slow. Ami isn't the type to rush into anything. Not by a long shot. Talk to her. Maybe ask her out on a date, see how she reacts. If this is something you really feel, in your heart, is right, then you have to take the chance on it. Don't let the opportunity for real happiness slip you by." There was a pang in Minako's heart as she spoke, and Makoto knew she was speaking from experience.

"…Alan?"

"It's nothing. I'm over that. But this is about you, and you need to do something before you lose her to someone else."

"….thanks, Minako. I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem." A superior grin crossed Minako's face as she sat up straight on the couch. "It's what I do. Now, I believe you promised to bribe me with cake if I came over here."

Makoto laughed. "Right, right, I'll get on that." As she turned into the kitchen, a wan smile crossed her lips. She knew she had made the right choice in bringing this to Minako.

********************

Pacing back and forth before the phone, Makoto couldn't do anything to hide the nerves that were eating away at her stomach. Minako had left an hour before, and she knew that she had to do this now before she lost her momentum and had to have the Senshi of Love talk her up again. But every passing moment seemed to bring with it more and more reason why this really wasn't such a good idea. "Come on, Mako, you can do this," she encouraged quietly. "It's just…a harmless date. And if she says no…well, you could always try tomorrow? Or…maybe not at—no, don't think like that." She took a deep breath, then lifted the receiver off the hook. Dialing the first number…then the second…then immediately slamming the receiver back down.

After clearing her throat, she went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As she was reaching for the glass in the cupboard, inspiration and motivation suddenly struck. Releasing the glass and returning to the phone, she pulled the receiver off the hook and dialed Ami's number as quickly as she could, before the nerve could fade. Once it was ringing, there was no turning back.

_RIIIIIING_

Or was there? She could turn away now, Ami wouldn't know.

_RIIIIIING_

Well, no, because she probably had Caller ID, and—

_RIIII—_

"Mizuno Residence, this is Ami?"

Oh kami, now it was on. "Uh, hi, Ami. This is Makoto." Makoto swallowed deep, suddenly wishing she hadn't interrupted her glass of water.

"Oh, hi!" Makoto thought she could hear the lightest sound of scribbling in the background, but she paid it no mind. "How are you?"

"Good, good. I—" There was that scribbling sound again. "…Ami, are you doing homework right now?" Makoto could picture Ami, lying on the couch with her back to the ceiling and a book open under her. Maybe chewing on the nub of a pencil or the end of a pen, the phone cradled to her ear…the image made her feel tingly for a moment.

"Just a couple papers for math. A few assignments for pre-calc, dealing with exponential neunometers. You remember, we went over it in class yesterday."

"Right," Makoto bluffed, "Exponential neunometers. Of course I remember."

"No you don't, because I just made that word up." From the light giggle that accompanied these words, Makoto would swear she could HEAR the size of Ami's grin right now. Great; this was going just fine.

"Cute," Makoto chuckled. "Listen, Ami, I've got some free time tonight, and I was just wondering…if…maybe you'd like to get together and do something? Go have dinner, maybe?" The next moment seemed like it stretched for an eternity. What was only a second or two felt like it took hours before Ami's response.

"Sure. Is everyone else coming?"

Makoto blushed. "No…." her voice cracked a little, and she cleared her throat. "It would be just the two of us."

"That sounds nice."

"Alright, I'll pick you up at seven, how's that?"

"It's a date!"

Makoto froze for a moment. Her heart leapt to her throat. Had Ami really just said that? Logic and consciousness told her no, it was just a turn of phrase. If she'd actually meant it as a _**date**_, she would never have just stated it so boldly. Ami was far too shy for that. But still….

"I'll see you at seven," Ami filled the silence. "Now, I really need to get back to this paper."

"Right, of course. See you at seven." Hanging up the phone, Makoto suddenly turned a ghostly white. This was happening. This was actually happening. Oh, kami, what should she WEAR?

********************

Seven rolled along sooner than Makoto was ready for, and before she knew it, she was standing outside the Mizuno household in an emerald, satin dress. A light, aqua jacket covered her torso and shoulders from the weather; the leaves had just begun to turn and the evenings were beginning to get colder. She took a moment to get herself situated before knocking on the door; the Mizuno house was always somewhat foreboding by its sheer size.

Much to her dismay, it wasn't Ami herself that answered the door but her mother. Clearing her throat, Makoto spoke. "Good evening, Ms. Mizuno."

"Ah, Makoto," the older woman smiled warmly. "Ami said you'd be stopping by. Come in, have a seat." She waved Makoto in the door, eyeing her dress in the process. "You look awfully elegant tonight, Makoto."

"Thanks," Makoto smiled inwardly. She wasn't certain what to say. _Hi, Ms. Mizuno, I'm here hoping to violate your only child. Is she in?_

"Are you and Ami going cruising for boys tonight?" joked the older woman, chuckling to herself.

"S…something like that…." Makoto whispered to herself.

"Well, she shouldn't be too long. AMI!" Ms. Mizuno called up the stairs to Ami's room. "Your friend Makoto is here!"

There was silence, followed immediately by the sound of rumbling and banging upstairs. "I'll be down in a minute!" a squeaky voice answered from above. Makoto already knew what was happening upstairs.

"She probably got so lost in her studies, she forgot you were coming by," Ms. Mizuno explained. Not that it was anything Makoto hadn't expected. When Ami had her nose in a book, the whole world seemed to disappear. It was cute, really.

"You should come by more often, Makoto," Ami's mother filled the wait with conversation. "Are your parents still out of town?"

"Yeah," Makoto looked away quickly, not wanting Ms. Mizuno to see her eyes. "They're…they go away a lot. Business calls. That sort of thing."

"Of course. That's a shame, I would dearly like to meet them. I've met most of the other kids' parents."

"Yeah," Makoto still refused to make eye contact. Lying is so much harder when you have to look someone in the face. "Maybe someday."

Makoto was grateful for the distraction from the topic, when the stairs creaked and Ami started coming down. But what she saw when she looked up made her heart sink a bit in her chest. Ami was dressed in a light blue knee-length skirt, similar to the one on their school uniform, and a small white shirt with a light, tan coat over it. Nothing special, nothing fancy, just a casual outfit to spend time with friends.

Makoto suddenly felt painfully overdressed, and she could see it when Ami looked at her and suddenly turned bright red. "Was this supposed to be something fancy?" she asked shyly.

"No," Makoto sighed inwardly. "You look great. Come on, I made reservations."

_Reservations?_ Ami thought inward to herself. Where could they be going?

********************

It was eight by the time the two had made it to the restaurant. Ami couldn't believe her eyes when Makoto started walking through the doors. This place…the restaurant was huge, and the servers were all dressed in tuxedos. There was a gentleman standing at the door to take the ladies' coats, and another behind the podium to take them to their seats. This time it was Ami's turn to feel inappropriately dressed; this entire place was something else. "Mako…I don't know if I can afford this."

"It's my treat," Makoto hurried the words out. "I'm paying."

This only earned her the skeptical, blue eyes of her mate. "**You** can't afford this either," she blurted out. "This Is just too much. Are you sure about this place?"

"Of course I am," Makoto smiled. "Trust me, I'll manage." Something didn't seem right. Ami couldn't quite place it, but there was something…unusual about this whole arrangement. There was definitely something she was missing, but she couldn't place her finger on it. Why this place? Why _here_? It was just the two of them; she'd been certain they were just going back to Makoto's place for dinner, not to a swank establishment like—oh, kami, were those candles sitting on the table? The host seated them at a sweet little table with two chairs across from each other, and a pair of candles providing dim lighting. This…was not normal at all.

As they sat down, the host gave them their menus. "The waiter will be with you shortly, to take your orders."

Makoto took her menu, opening it. She couldn't help but eyeball the prices, and she knew she'd be working overtime to pay this night off. But still…she couldn't hold back the urge. "I'm glad you came tonight," She said quietly to Ami. "You…um…" she blushed, "You look nice."

That was it. The final piece. The last clue. Suddenly, everything came together in Ami's mind, and her hands began to shake. The dress, the restaurant, the candles, the prices, Makoto's shaky voice when she spoke to her on the phone, the visible disappointment in her eyes when Ami came down the stairs, the compliment…**the compliment**…she had read this scenario a hundred times in her books, and it could only mean one thing, but Ami could barely bring herself to believe it. She couldn't have…she couldn't mean…could she?

"M…Makoto…." Ami's hands shivered in her lap. She hadn't even opened her menu. She had to ask, but she was scared to hear the answer now. "This…tonight…is this…I mean…I know it's silly of me, but…." She looked up from her lap, across the table at Makoto. "Is this…a _**date**_?"

Makoto's face turned beet red and it told Ami all she needed to know. "I…that is…um…." She couldn't find the words to speak, and that hesitance spoke volumes.

"I…excuse me, I'll…I'll be right back…." Ami quickly got up from the table, moving towards the back. The bathroom…she needed to find the bathroom, now!

********************

_Well. That went swimmingly._

Makoto dropped her forehead to the table. She'd pushed too hard. Gone too far, too quickly, and now it was costing her everything. Minako had said to start **slow**. Was this really her idea of slow? Of course not; this was her greatest failing, and she knew it. She always tried to rush into these things without thinking, went too fast, pushed too hard, and wound up losing everything. The look on Ami's face had told her everything she needed to know; the poor girl was panicked.

So now she was stuck here, in this stupid, girly dress, she had probably scared Ami halfway to China, and to top it off, she would be paying for this DISASTER for the next month. On the plus side, she had managed to redefine failure in ways she was sure had never happened before, so maybe she could get a Guinness out of it. Maybe.

********************

Ami stood in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror, trying desperately not to hyperventilate. A date…this was a DATE, an honest to Kami DATE. With a WOMAN. Who happened to be one of her BEST FRIENDS. Wow. Just…wow. And she had walked right into it without even knowing, and now she didn't even know how to react. A date?!

"Calm down," she told herself, but that didn't stop her breathing from coming in heavier. Putting her hands on her head, she lowered it over the sink, trying to think. "Makoto's…she's out there right now, waiting for me. What must she think? She brought me here on a date…a DATE…I didn't even know she thought about me that way, I…" an odd thought popped into her head. "Do I look like her old sempai?"

That was a terrifying notion.

Pushing that fresh new horror out of her mind, Ami focused on this one. How could she go back out there? What could she say to Makoto? Makoto, who was spending so much money Ami was sure she'd have to do something drastic to pay it off. Who was being so bold making this move, so up front…and there was still no way she could afford—

"She really likes me that much?" That thought just dawned on Ami. To go to all these lengths…that was something else. She couldn't remember anyone else showing that kind of interest in her. Well, there was Urawa, but she rarely heard hide nor tail of him. They'd promised to stay in contact but it was mostly through letters. Makoto…she was doing so much right now. This was a completely bold move of her.

But still…she was a woman. And Ami was a woman. That…couldn't work. It just couldn't. And Ami was terrified of breaking Makoto's heart later down the road; she didn't know if she could really commit to anything like this, and she really didn't want to hurt one of her best friends. "But Makoto isn't asking you for a commitment right now," the little voice in the back of her head whispered to her. "She just wants a date. She's only asking for a chance, and if you walk away now, if you don't even give her that chance, then you're already hurting her."

Staring into the mirror, she realized that little voice was right. She couldn't walk away now. Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, she turned back towards the door. She was scared; if she went back to this, it would be the first real date she'd ever had, and that may come easy to girls like Rei or Minako, but definitely not her. But she had to do this. Anything else just felt wrong.

********************

"Are we ready to order?" The server asked politely. Makoto could barely lift her head off the table to answer.

"No, not yet," she murmured out. "Thanks." Sitting herself back up, she stared blankly at the menu. If everything was going to pot, perhaps it was time to just cut her losses and not order anything. This whole thing had been one huge, royal mess. She wished she could blame Minako, but it wasn't her fault. She shouldn't have rushed into things and scared Ami the way she did. She could only blame herself for her failing here.

As she stared at her menu, she fought back a tear welling in her eye. She hated to cry. It was…stupid. And pointless. And it didn't help the situation, but if tonight ended this badly, she might not be able to—

"I hope you haven't ordered without me?" A tiny, meek voice spoke up, jarring Makoto back to her senses. Looking up, she saw Ami taking her seat back at the table. "I haven't even had the chance to look and decide what I want."

"No," Makoto managed to get out through her broken voice, as relief tried to force a smile. She offhandedly wiped the stray tear from her face, before continuing. "No, I haven't. I was waiting for you."

"Good," Ami opened up her menu, taking a look inside. "I should hate to let a night like this go to waste."

"…thank you." Makoto looked down at her menu again, finding her appetite beginning to return to her.

"Although I still don't know how you can afford this place." Looking over the menu, Ami shook her head. "I would have been just fine eating something you prepared at home. You didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"No," Makoto smiled. "But…I wanted to."

"Fine, then." Makoto couldn't miss the smug look on Ami's face as she spoke. "But next time, you and I are eating in. I don't want to see you throwing all your money away on me like this; you need it."

Makoto couldn't miss two words of that sentence. _There's going to be a next time?_

********************

Dinner went by more smoothly than the ordering, and the girls soon found themselves back out in the cold. The bill had been as devastating as Makoto had expected, but she would worry about that later.

"It really is lovely out tonight," Ami smiled. "I'm…" she blushed a deep crimson, which made Makoto's heart skip a beat. "I'm glad I came."

"It doesn't have to end yet. We could go see a movie," Makoto offered. "But…this place kinda broke me."

"It's getting late anyway," Ami sighed as she looked up at the night sky outside the theatre. "I should probably be getting back. I don't want Mom to think you dragged me off to some party and got me drunk or something."

"Alright, I'll walk you home, then." Cautiously, Makoto slipped her hand around Ami's as they started to walk. Nervously at first, uncertain, but then when she felt Ami's hand coil back around hers, she started to squeeze it tighter. There was a quiet in the air as they walked. A stillness. Neither said anything; neither had to. Right now, walking hand in hand with Ami, Makoto was content in a way she hadn't experienced before. And Ami…she was starting to open up to something warm inside her, something unfamiliar, yet…nice. She couldn't place quite what it was, but she knew she was starting to like it.

"This is it," the pair stopped in front of the gate to the Mizuno household. Separating their hands, Ami turned for the gate, feeling the cold metal of it, but reluctant to open. There was something missing. Something she knew came here, but that—oh, right.

Looking back at Makoto, she smiled. "I really did have a great time tonight. Thank you." Releasing her hold on the gate, she leaned up on the balls of her feet to give Makoto a gentle kiss on the lips, much to the taller girl's surprise. It wasn't much, and it wasn't long, but it was enough to make Makoto's heart flutter like it hadn't in years. Trying not to let Makoto see her turn bright crimson, Ami turned and opened the gate. "Good night."

********************

Makoto made it home and closed the door to her apartment, before collapsing in relief on the couch. This night had started out as the perfect disaster, but…she really owed Minako one for encouraging her to go through with it. She felt tired, but she didn't really want to sleep. All she could do was keep replaying that one moment in her mind, at the gate to the Mizuno household, when Ami had kissed her.

_She kissed me. She actually KISSED me._

As sleep finally came to claim her, she knew she'd be dreaming of nothing but Ami this night. And she couldn't be happier.

********************

"Everything went fine, mom," Ami smiled, climbing the stairs to her room. "I'm just…really tired tonight. But don't worry, I didn't meet a guy." This was, technically, true.

Closing the door, Ami sighed in relief that her mom hadn't caught her and Makoto just outside the gate. That wouldn't have been fun to explain, and she still wasn't certain how she felt about the whole thing. Makoto was a good friend, who she really enjoyed spending time with. She didn't know if she could really be more than friends with Makoto, but…she was willing to give it a try, at least. And she hadn't lied; tonight HAD been fun, once she got past the initial shock.

Laying down on her bed, she looked up at the ceiling and pondered. For the first night in years, she didn't need to find a good book to fall asleep with. She felt warm inside, and she couldn't quite place it, but something about it made her want more. She was scared, and she was uncertain, but…maybe there was something here. Maybe this could actually go somewhere. It was certainly worth a shot.


	2. Chapter 2: It's Different

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Sailor Moon, amusement theme parks, or friendly teasing. I do, however, own the copyright to that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when reading a sappy story, so remember that if this phenomenon happens, you owe me royalties.**

**CHAPTER TWO: IT'S DIFFERENT**

"So, how did it go?" Ami heard the voice of her friend, Minako, over her shoulder. Seated at a small table in the Hikawa Shrine, she hadn't noticed the blonde slipping over to her. Makoto was outside, busily helping Rei sweep the pavement, and Minako was never one to miss an opportunity.

"How did what go?" Ami sat with her nose in a book, as she always did during their study sessions. She only idly even noticed the question, too busy wondering why—

"Your date." *SLAM*

The book snapped shut in her hands, an involuntary reaction to the sudden spasm that shot through her arms the second the words were out of Minako's mouth. Her arms quivered and her throat spasmed as she tried to find the voice to speak. Staring straight forward at the wall, she couldn't even find the strength to move her head and see the victorious grin on Minako's face. "I-I-I-I—"

"Ami had a DATE?!" Usagi squeeled with delight, taking advantage of the opportunity to shove her textbook aside and jumping onto the table in front of Ami. "With who? Do I know him? Is he cute? If you say Motoki—"

"Very cute," Minako teased, and Ami could feel the color draining from her face. "Tall, strong, incredibly attractive brunette, if I'm not mistaken?" Ami could just about die hearing the description. She knew. She _**knew**_. She could have just been teasing but no… this proves she knows.

"Oooh, he sounds so handsome," Usagi dreamed. "What's he like? Come on, Ami, tell us. This is so exciting!"

"I…that…I…" Ami could feel her face turn suddenly beet red at all the attention she was garnering. Her mind raced to think of something, anything to say.

"Oh, what are we going on about now?" the raven-haired Shinto maiden entered the room, much to Ami's horror. And with her came Makoto; they must have finished up outside.

"Ami had a date last night and she won't talk to us about it," Usagi whined. Ami shot a quick, terrified glance at Makoto, and could see the taller girl's body freeze up. _Help me_, she mouthed voicelessly to the brunette.

Thinking quickly, Makoto came to Ami's aid. "That's because she didn't want YOU going with her," she sniped quickly at Usagi. This quip had precisely the desired effect of turning Usagi's attention away from Ami, and dropping it straight on Makoto.

"You knew about this? Ooh ooh, did you meet the guy? What's he like? He's gotta be really cute if Ami likes him!"

"Oh, yeah…" Makoto started, realizing what she'd just done. "The guy…um…well, very nice, um…great personality, INCREDIBLY attractive." She savored the light blush that welled up in Ami's cheeks. Now, she was on a roll. "I mean, really, I've seen attractive and there was just no competing! The two of them just looked perfect together, it was the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"Aww," Usagi's eyes glazed over with fantasy as she tried to picture the man good enough for Ami. "Now I really have to meet him. When do we get to meet him, Ami?"

"Y'know," Minako intercepted, "it just may be sooner than you think. Isn't that right, Ami?"

"I-um…I…" Ami's face was beet red. "I have to go. I have to…uh…study for cram school!" Trying to hide the brilliant crimson of her face, she quickly gathered up her books and started out the door before anyone could stop her.

"But…I thought that's what you were doing…" Usagi whined.

********************

It was only half an hour before Makoto made an excuse to get away from the Shrine and the others. With Usagi lost and brainstorming ideas about Ami's mystery "guy", she swore to herself that she would find an opportunity to pummel Minako later, muttered something about her apartment needing some cleaning done, and ducked out quickly. It was only half an hour before she found herself in front of the door to her apartment, with Ami sitting comfortably on the doorstep with an open book in her hands.

"Fancy seeing you here," Makoto smiled warmly as she approached. "You know, it's more comfortable inside. You all know where I keep the spare key."

Blushing intensely, Ami looked down from her book. "I know, it just…we had plans and it just didn't feel right."

Makoto laughed. "You guys used to barge in all the time."

"Yeah, but…that was…different. We weren't…I mean…you and I weren't…." Ami looked away shyly.

"Dating." Makoto finished.

"Yeah."

"Ami…" Makoto hesitated a moment, uncertain about her question. Ami could hear the concern in her voice, and it frightened her. "Do I…does this make you…." She struggled for a moment to find the word. "…uncomfortable?"

"NO!" Ami snapped out quickly. "It's just…I've never…I'm not very popular with guys. I've never really dated much. I've read all these stories about people going on dates and falling in love and it always seems so easy for them. They always just click. But…it just doesn't seem that easy right now. You're my friend, and we've known each other for a very long time, and…."

"And it's awkward?" a dejected Makoto offered, terrified of where this conversation was going.

"No!" Ami sighed, laying her book on her lap and burying her head in her hands. "Oh, Kami, I'm bad at this." Taking a deep breath, she slowly closed the book in her lap and looked back up at Makoto. "Last night was fun. I could really see that you're…interested…in me. And, to be honest, it made me feel really good inside. Like, here is someone that really cares about me. It made me feel warm in a way I never have before, and I want to see where this goes. But if we're going to do that, I can't just act like everything's the same between you and me, because it's not."

Makoto smiled at that. Her worst fears about this conversation properly dissuaded, she stepped around Ami and slid her key into the door. "Alright. I'll keep that in mind. Now, let's get inside. The sun'll be going down soon, and it's gonna get cold."

********************

The girls had made it inside, and Makoto was just starting in the kitchen. Ami sat on the couch in the living room, thinking over the previous night and tonight. Makoto had made dinner for her and the other Senshi on numerous occasions; she was very proud of her cooking skills, and had aspirations to become a chef. But tonight was different; tonight it was special, and she knew Makoto would do everything in her power to make this the best meal they had ever had together.

Glancing around the room, Ami was not surprised at all to see it spotless; Makoto took as much pride in her cleaning as she did her cooking. Quite honestly, even the Mizuno family's condo wasn't THIS clean; dust and grime simply were not welcome in the Kino household. Even the wallpaper seemed like it would start sparkling with the slightest provocation. Ami never truly understood just what compulsion drove Makoto to this relentless need for tidiness though, if she had to warrant a guess, she assumed it had something to do with her old sempai's remarks that she wasn't "feminine" enough. Ami knew her well enough to know that was a load; she was big, she was outspoken, she was very aggressive, but she could also be one of the most sensitive and vulnerable people Ami knew.

"Mako?" Ami got up from the couch, walking towards the kitchen. As she stepped in, she rest her hand against the wall beside her.

"Hmf?" Makoto looked up from the fridge, with a jug of cooking oil and a package of ground beef in her hands, and a bag of noodles clenched firmly in her teeth. Closing the fridge with her right leg, Makoto deposited the items on the counter, before taking the noodle bag from her mouth and setting it down.

"Why did you tell Minako about our date last night?"

Sheepishly, Makoto looked away. "Actually…she knew about it before you did." At Ami's confused stare, Makoto continued. "I needed someone to talk to, so I could work up the nerve to actually pull what I did last night. The Senshi of Love just felt like the best choice."

The warm smile on Ami's face told Makoto that she was appeased. "You were scared of me."

Makoto chuckled. "Well, it's just that—"

"If you tell me that I look like your old sempai, I'm going home." The mock stern look on Ami's face brought Makoto to laugh.

"No, not at all!" Makoto covered her mouth with her hand as a few more giggles slipped out. "I've just never asked another girl on a date before. Or, really…anyone, for that matter. Especially not a friend."

"Right," the glint in Ami's mischievous eyes told Makoto this wasn't over. "You always seemed so interested in the boys."

Ah, there it was. She knew it would come to this at some point. Makoto smiled warmly to Ami. "How many guys have you actually seen me go out with?"

"Well, there was…." Ami stopped to ponder that question for a moment. "…your old sempai—"

"—was a jerk."

"And there was Seijuro—"

"—who was actually Ali."

"What about Shinozaki?"

Makoto hesitated a moment. "Shinozaki…I told you the day you met him. He's more than just a good friend to me. He's very special. But not in a romantic way; he's…like family." Sensing the change in the tide, she took this opportunity to flip the tables around. "So what about you and Urawa? He always seemed interested."

Ami blushed. "Urawa's a nice guy. I just…I don't know. I just never really thought about him that way."

"Plus," Makoto chuckled, "he's one of the Seven Great Youma. That's gotta be weird."

"So is Rei's grandfather," Ami stated pointedly.

"Case in point," Makoto returned.

Shaking her head, Ami couldn't hide the amused grin. "So what about me?" That brought a quick redness to Makoto's face. Taking a step closer and resting her hand on the counter, Ami couldn't help but ask. "How long have you been interested in me?"

Makoto looked down at the ingredients, lying untouched on the counter. "…honestly?" Ami took another step forward, and Makoto's heart skipped a beat. "I don't even know. I really started enjoying having you around. I started making excuses to be alone with you, like when we went looking for Urawa back when we were fighting the Dark Kingdom."

Ami's eyes widened at this. "You've liked me for that long?"

Makoto flashed a mischievous smile. "Remember when we had Zoisite cornered in a dark alley? You tried to use your Shabon Spray on him, but you stumbled and flipped over?"

Ami gasped. "You SWORE to me that you didn't look!"

"Oh, I didn't _look_," Makoto laughed. "I ogled. The two are very different." Once again, Ami found herself bright red. "You know, you're very cute when you blush." This only succeeded in intensifying it which, Makoto admitted, was the entire point of saying it. Chuckling to herself, Makoto smiled. "Look, I better finish dinner. I have to make it good enough to compete with two months' savings."

Ami reached forward, softly brushing her fingers along Makoto's tender arm. "I'm sure it will be amazing. Everything you make always is." She lingered there a moment, dazed by the gentle look in Makoto's emerald eyes, before she slowly pulled her hand away and started back for the living room.

As Ami slipped back into the living room, Makoto sighed happily to herself before setting back to the ingredients. "Thank you, Minako," she whispered quietly to no one.

********************

Dinner was over only too soon, as Makoto started to clear the plates once the food was gone. "Here, let me help you," Ami quickly volunteered, taking up her own plate and walking it into the kitchen.

"You really don't have to," Makoto smiled.

"But I want to," Ami insisted. "You've done so much already. Let me offer this much."

"Alright," Makoto conceded. She could never refuse those sparkling azure eyes.

Ami looked back down to her plate. Something inside her was compelling her to act. She just didn't want to leave yet. _Make a move! She's waiting for you! Do something!_ Pushing that nagging voice to the back of her mind, Ami turned on the sink and concentrated on the dish in her hands.

********************

Dishes were washed, rinsed, and on the drying rack before the girls knew it. Makoto couldn't help but marvel at how quickly it had gone now that she had help. But the night was getting late, and Ami soon found herself fiddling at the door. "Thank you, Mako," she smiled. "It's starting to get late. I think I should probably be heading home now."

This hit Makoto like a falling stone. "You're not gonna stay? I thought we'd maybe watch a late-night movie, see what's on TV, or something." Makoto took a moment to consider. "You guys always stay over on weekends…but…" she slowly realized, looking into Ami's eyes, "…it's different, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Ami admitted. "It's different."

She didn't have to say anymore. Makoto understood. Things couldn't just be like they were before; it was too intimate now, too much too quickly. "Alright then," Makoto got up, taking Ami's jacket off the coat rack and holding it out for Ami to slide her arms through. "Then I'm going to walk you home." Having helped Ami with her coat, Makoto started on her own. "It's the least I can do."

Ami, confused, look up at Makoto. "I've walked home from here plenty of times. I know the way."

"Yeah," Makoto grinned, "But it's different."

Ami blushed. Makoto had her there. "It is."

As the two stepped out the door, Makoto turned around to lock it behind her. As soon as she had her keys back in her pocket, she felt something soft and gentle wrap around her hand. It took only a moment to realize that was Ami's hand, prompting her to squeeze it tightly in her own. Looking back down at the aqua-haired bookworm, Makoto felt her heart leap.

The night was crisp and cool as the two started down the road. The leaves were turning and the autumn chill lingered in the air as a stark reminder that summer was gone. Makoto had pulled a nice, heavy coat from her closet, but Ami only had the lightest of jackets. Curiously, Makoto asked her, "Aren't you cold?" But Ami only shook her head.

"The cold doesn't really bother me. It actually feels pretty nice. Like coming home after a long day." Makoto's heart pattered once again with the contented sigh that escaped Ami's lips.

Squeezing the bookworm's hand tighter in response, Makoto looked down at her. "Of course."

********************

It wasn't long before the two found themselves in front of the condos where Ami lived. Another night found itself in the same place as the night before, and Makoto's mind couldn't help but be drawn to how that night had ended. Looking down into Ami's eyes as they stood before the gate, she hesitated for a moment. "Well…here we are."

"Yeah," Ami couldn't look away, her blushing face lost in Makoto's eyes. "I guess…this is it…." Her mind paced to find the proper response. Scouring through every romance novel and every psychology textbook she'd ever read, she found herself turning up the same response her body was telling her, had BEEN telling her through the whole awkward dishwashing, but nervousness and shyness prompted her to go.

_Do it. Come on, do it._ Sliding her hand out of Makoto's, Ami slowly turned away towards the gate. Her eyes remained frozen on Makoto's as her body started to turn, taking her a couple seconds to peel her gaze away and finally look towards home. _You did it last night. Come on, you can do it, Ami!_ A trembling hand reached out for the gate. _You know she likes you. You know you like her back. This is your chance! Don't walk away from this._ Shaking, she found she couldn't move anymore. She was terrified and nervous and everything was happening so fast and—

"Ami?" _Oh, to hell with it._ Turning around, Ami fought back the fear gripping her heart, reached up around Makoto's neck, and pressed her lips suddenly and quickly to hers. 16 years of pent-up loneliness, tension, and unrequited need suddenly blazed from her lips, her eyes closing and her mouth opening as she lost herself completely to the passion of the moment. Tears began to streak down her eyes when she felt Makoto's arms around her waist, pulling from her back and pressing her inward. Her busom was lost, squeezed tightly against Makoto's much more ample chest, and for a moment, the stray thought crossed Ami's mind, _She really should have been Snow White._ This was quickly lost in the heat of the moment, and Ami had long since lost count of the time when Makoto's tongue slid deep into her mouth. It was—

"Ami?"

Both girls froze. It took them a few seconds to realize that Makoto's tongue was still firmly embedded in Ami's mouth, and a few more seconds to quickly separate. _Oh no oh no please no oh no_. Turning around in the dark, Ami could only hope that her mother hadn't seen what they were doing. _Of course she saw, you were wrapped in Makoto's arms and sucking on her tongue, she has to have seen._

"Ami Mizuno, what on earth do you think you're doing out here?" The outraged tone told Ami all she needed to hear. She was busted. "And who is this young gentleman you're apparently so _**infatuated**_ with?" Ami could see Makoto wince at the description. In the dark, her large stature had to look pretty condemning, but still…she had serious issues with that.

As Ami's mother stormed out towards the gate, Makoto stepped forward and spoke up. "Um…it's me, Ms. Mizuno. Makoto Kino."

As she stepped into the light, there could be no denying it. This gave Ms. Mizuno pause, and she stopped at the gate. "Makoto Kino? But…didn't I see you…." The redness that spread across Makoto's face, and the sheepish way Ami looked down at her feet, confirmed the eyeful she had gotten as she was coming outside. "But aren't you…" Ms. Mizuno stopped to consider this turn of events for a moment. "…I think I need to lie down for a while." Rubbing her forehead, she turned around slowly. "Ami…say goodnight to your…….girlfriend….and come inside. It's getting late."

From the way Ami's body froze up, Makoto could tell she was petrified of what was to come. "It isn't over, is it?" Ami shook her head.

"Mom…doesn't have the best opinion of romance these days. Not after dad…."

Makoto took Ami's hand, clenching it in both of hers. "It's okay. We'll get through this. I promise. You mean too much to me to let this end now. We've only just started."

Ami looked back up to Makoto, but the taller girl could see the fear in the smile she tried to force. "Yeah. I suppose we will." Leaning up for one last kiss, just a sweet, quick peck on the lips, Ami turned around and started through the gate. She stopped just past it, and cast one last glance at Makoto. As she did, Makoto could feel the terror in her eyes, before she turned around and followed her mother inside

"Well," Makoto sighed. "That could have gone better.


	3. Chapter 3: The Heart's Acceleration

**CHAPTER THREE: THE HEART'S ACCELERATION  
**

"So how did it go?"

"Do you mean before or after Ami's mom walked up on the two of us making out on the lawn?"

Minako winced. "Ow. That's...wow. Well, that's ONE way of letting her know, I suppose."

Makoto sighed. "I haven't heard from Ami in two days. At least I'll probably see her at school tomorrow." Looking over at Minako for a moment, she leaned up against the counter of her apartment, then looked thoughtfully away, lost in the wallpaper and thoughts of Ami. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I want to call her, but I'm worried her mom will pick up the phone and it'll just make everything worse. What am I supposed to do?"

Minako thought for a moment, then sighed. "You'll just have to wait for tomorrow."

********************

The past two days had been torture. Ami confined herself to her room to study, except when she had to go to cram school. She hadn't had the chance to go out and see Mako, as she knew her mother would be questioning her every coming and going. She'd been waiting eagerly, her heart jumping every time the phone rang in the hopes it might be her, but to no avail. Briefly, she had considered using their Sailor comms to contact Makoto, but had rejected that idea because she knew Sailor equipment was not a toy, and Luna would probably throw a fit.

Though she tried to study, she was finding it increasingly more difficult with the stress of thinking about her mom and Makoto, and why Makoto wasn't calling her. Her mom was strangely quiet about the topic, hadn't said a word since she got in, and the tension was starting to eat away at her. She had read once that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but she had never quite understood the meaning in those words until now, as no matter how hard she tried to turn her mind away, her thoughts always traced back to the tall, strong brunette...what had her mother called her? "Girlfriend." Ami tested the word on her lips. It felt...good. It brought a light flutter to her heart that she'd never felt before.

This sensation was completely new and foreign to Ami. It wasn't something she could quantify with words and numbers. She couldn't explain the way her body felt warm and her heart began to beat faster when she started to think about her longtime friend, the way she ached to be closer to the brunette, the way her lips tingled when she thought about the kiss...the amazing, beautiful kiss that was over too soon. She had never understood Usagi's complete fascination with romance, but thinking back to that one special moment before her mom had caught her, she thought maybe the Moon Princess made a little more sense now.

BRIIIING

Ami jumped at the sound of the phone. Her first thought immediately ran to Makoto, but as she raced out the door to the phone in the hall, her mom picked up in the kitchen. "Hello?" Dread immediately crept over her body, which was soon replaced with disappointment. "Oh hi, Sakaguchi." With eagerness and hope now replaced by disappointment and fear, she started back into her room.

_'Where are you, Makoto?' _Could the incident with her mother have scared her off? Is that why she wasn't calling? Or...was this normal? She'd never been in a relationship before. Was it normal to go a few days without seeing or hearing from the other person? That's not what all the novels had told her. "Relationship." She tried that word on too, and she liked the way it rolled off her tongue. "Girlfriend. Relationship." Closing the door behind her and lying down onto her bed, she looked up at the ceiling. She told herself not to worry too much. She'd see Makoto tomorrow, running to school with her and Usagi. That would be enough, wouldn't it? She could wait until then?

An hour ticked by. She got out of her bed and returned to her desk, determined to finish her math homework. But as she thumbed her pen on the table, she found herself unable to focus. _'What's wrong with me?_' Another hour passed and she was shocked to find she had only gotten three equations done.

"Ami? dinner!" Oh, thank you kami for the distraction.

Coming down into the kitchen, Ami paused for a moment. Her mom had prepared a fine Italian pasta. It was exceedingly rare for her mother to have the opportunity to spend time at home; she was always on call with the hospital, and for her to take the time away to prepare something like this...Ami's body suddenly filled with dread.

"Sit down," her mother spoke warmly. "I think you and I need to have a talk."

********************

Ms. Mizuno had gone over this conversation several times in her head over the past couple days. There were too may unknowns in the equation. Too many factors she had no way of verifying. She'd gone over the image a hundred times from every angle, and every ounce of deductive logic in her body told her the same thing: she had caught her daughter, Ami Mizuno, locked in a passionate embrace with her lips tightly pressed to those of another girl.

She'd poured over what she knew about her daughter several times and nothing added up. Ami was never one for the dating scene; in fact, she couldn't remember a single date her child had ever been on. But still...a lesbian? Ami, her only daughter, a lesbian? That was perplexing. True, she only really seemed interested in spending time with other girls...she never really expressed interest in any guys...and then there was Makoto picking her up a few days ago, and that gorgeous dress..._oh, kami, how did I miss THAT?_

How long had Ami been dating girls without her knowledge? How long had she been dating Makoto, specifically? How much of her daughter's life was she missing because she was always busy at work? And, most importantly...how would this impact her future? College? Her career? She needed to talk to Ami and she had to do it soon. If there was any hope of running damage control on this, it had to be done now.

With that in mind, she'd taken herself off call for at least the next couple of hours, with the exception of extreme cases. She'd spent half an hour going over the meal, setting the dinner table, getting everything ready for what she knew would be the most difficult conversation of her life. After calling Ami down, she took a deep breath, then turned to face her daughter. "Sit down. I think you and I need to have a talk."

After Ami had seated herself, Ms. Mizuno took a deep breath and looked at her daughter. She could see the apprehension in Ami's eyes, and she knew this wouldn't be easy. "Ami," she started, trying to find the right words. "You are my daughter and I love you. I want nothing but the best for you. However..." What was the right word? "I'm...concerned...about choices you have made recently."

"About Makoto," Ami corrected.

"...yes. About Makoto." There was a pause, followed by an awkward silence. "How..." She cleared her throat. "How long have you been seeing this...girl?"

"Well," Ami looked down. "We've been friends for a couple years. You know that."

"That's not what I meant."

"I...I know." Ami fiddled with her hands for a moment. "We...we just started dating a couple days ago." Ms. Mizuno was relieved. This meant it wasn't too late. Certainly her daughter couldn't become THAT attached this quickly, could she? "But," Ami continued, "That doesn't mean it isn't serious." Hmm...perhaps she could.

"Ami, I'm concerned. I'm concerned about how this is going to affect your future. You're a very bright girl and you have the potential to go far, and I would hate to see that ruined by youthful indescretions."

"Youthful inde--"

"I was your age once. I remember what it was like. And I also remember what a bout of teenage rebellion nearly did to my chances of entering one of the finest universities in Japan."

"Teenage--"

"And I would hate to see that happen to you. I don't think you realize how much this relationship of yours could cost you, and I'm worried that--"

BRIIIING

The interruption of the phone brought a stark silence between them, before Ms. Mizuno resigned herself to answer it. She already knew what it was going to be. "Hello? Yes. Yes, I'm sure. Alright. No, I can handle it. I'll be right there." Hanging up the phone, she looked to her daughter. "That was the hospital. I'm afraid it's an emergency and I will have to take off. And I spent so much time working on dinner, too." She sighed. Walking towards the coat rack, she stopped in the doorway and turned back to Ami. "We can talk more later. But Ami...I want you to know that I trust you. I know that you will make the right decision." With those words, she took her coat and was out the door.

Ami stared at the pasta on the plate in front of her. She was speechless. She hadn't even managed to get two words in the entire "conversation", and she didn't know how to react to her mother's opinion of her new relationship. The right decision? What was the right decision? The decision that made her happy? That brought enjoyment to her studious life? Why couldn't she have that? And why did this conversation make her heart suddenly ache so much? She had never truly understood just how lonely her life was until the thought of losing what she had with Makoto had been introduced. The thought of going back to just being a Senshi and just one of the girls terrified her. It felt like she was about to lose something very important that she never even knew she was missing to begin with, and she didn't know how to handle it. There was only one thing she could do: she needed to talk to Makoto tomorrow.

********************

The night came quickly, and morning rose soon after. Makoto was out of bed and ready to go in record time; she had gotten up an hour early because she wasn't ready to just head to school. Out the door as soon as she was presentable, she raced down the street in entirely the wrong direction; heading for Usagi's house instead. She knew Ami always stopped by to make sure Usagi was ready to go, and wanted to catch her there.

As the sun rose over the horizon, Makoto found herself in front of the Tsukino household. Taking a rest against the neighbor's wall, she waited just out of sight for a few minutes. She tried going over it a couple times in her head. What was she going to say?

"Mako?" A timid little voice she recognized immediately called to her. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi, Ami." Looking up and seeing the quizzical gaze in Ami's tender eyes made everything feel instantly better. "I'm sorry I haven't called. I didn't really know what to say if your mom had picked up."

Ami felt relief wash over her heart. "It's okay."

"I missed you." Taking care to stay out of sight from the Tsukino household, she carefully took one of Ami's hands between both of hers and squeezed it gently. "How did everything go with your mom?"

Ami looked down. "Not well," she admitted. "She says she's 'worried about my future'."

"I'm sure she is." Makoto tried to hide the brief tinge of jealousy in her eyes. A moment passed as she considered, and then another. Ami's heart sank when the brunette, sighing, let go of her hand. "I'm sure she cares a lot about you, Ami. I don't want to come between that. Maybe...we should back off for--"

"No!" The sudden movement of Ami pushing into Makoto, wrapping her arms tightly around the taller girl's waist, took her completely offguard. "No. Please. I..." She had to fight and swallow back a frightened tear before her voice would function enough to continue. " I want this. I'm _**happy**_ like this. I don't know what I'd do if I lost it."

Makoto took a moment to consider, before putting her arms gently around Ami's shoulders and holding her. "Alright. We'll think of something."

"Ami? Mako? Is everything okay?" The concern in Usagi's voice pierced the moment, and Makoto cursed herself internally. _We are really bad at this whole secret relationship thing._

"Yeah," Makoto responded. "She just had a bad fight with her mom." _How long has she been standing there? Did she overhear?_

"Y...yeah...." Pulling her face out of Makoto's collarbone, Ami looked down shyly.

"Is there anything I can do?" Ami could hear the worry in Usagi's voice, but she didn't want to say too much right now.

"No...no, but thank you. It was nothing."

"Alright." With that taken care of, the Moon Princess's eyes turned immediately to Makoto. "So what are you doing here, this early?"

_Oh, crap. "_We all know how you get when you sleep, Usagi," Makoto quickly turned it around. "I thought Ami could use the help."

"Hey, I don't need anyone's help getting up!" The counterattack seemed effective, as Usagi was too busy being indignant to think too much about what she'd walked up on.

"I guess you're right. That's Luna's job."

"Why are you being so mean to me today?!" The sudden offensive, Usagi had come to expect from Rei but not from Makoto.

Ami lifted her hand to cover the smile on her face. Had Usagi caught the two of them in their intimate moment, she wouldn't be distracted from it so easily. And Makoto...well, Makoto was always amusing, there was no need to explain that one.

"Ami? You okay?"

"Yeah." She smiled, lifting her chin up proud and walking on towards school. "I am now."

********************

Ami's day seemed to go by like a dream. Between second and third period, Makoto had caught her and, ducking into the ladies' room, passionately kissed her for at least two minutes. The taste of Makoto's lips on her own and the feel of her strong yet delicate hands on her back would stay with her the rest of the day. She had surprised both Makoto and herself with how completely she returned it, giving herself in completely to the passion of the moment. They were only broken up by the door opening, forcing them to separate quickly to preserve their secrecy. Though Ami had to hide in a stall for a few seconds to reorganize her disheveled uniform.

After that, she found it hard to focus through her next class. She had to fight away fantasies of the taller brunette, memories of being in her arms, memories of the mysterious smell of wildflowers that could only be her shampoo. Those shimmering green eyes burning holes in her soul and--no, no, she had to pay attention. But...it was all so new, she couldn't get it out of her head.

After that came lunch, and she found her eyes completely fixated on Makoto. She tried to hide it by looking down as she ate, but her gaze kept drifting back up. The way her auburn ponytail quivered lightly from the fans in the room, the way her eyes seemed to shimmer, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, barely noticeable under her school fuku...she was beautiful, she was so beautiful, and Ami marveled at how she could have never noticed it before.

Her mother was wrong. She had to be. She was just...she was wrong. This felt good, it felt pure, it felt like everything Usagi and Minako had always described.

"Ami? Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I...yeah." Ami looked down at her lap. She couldn't believe the thoughts that were running through her head. "You know," she started turning beet red. She looked up and saw that Usagi was off talking to Naru and Umino, too busy with them to really notice her and Makoto. "Th-there's..." Shyness ate away at her like the plague, and she cursed her voice for not letting her speak. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "I-I-I think...there's no one...u-u-using the g-gym....right now...." Looking back up, her face beet red, she saw the surprise on Makoto's face slowly melt into warmth.

"And all that space behind the bleachers, where no one else can see." Makoto finished her thought for her. "Are you feeling well? That isn't like you."

"As a matter of fact," Ami returned, "I've run a diagnosis and I'm afraid I have come down with a bit of something."

"What's that?"

Lightly brushing the delicate fingers of her girlfriend, Ami simply offered, "You."

********************

After school, Ami had a couple hours to spend at the Hikawa Shrine, their friendly inter-Senshi study group, before cram school this evening. Rei's grandfather needed help sweeping leaves from the shrine's exterior, and Makoto eagerly volunteered. But before she could get up, she remembered the last time, her eyes suspiciously spying Minako. Ami caught her eyes quickly, nodding her to go on, and it was only after that Makoto was willing to leave the room.

Once the three were alone, Ami tried to speak, but the words weren't willing to pipe up just yet. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "Minako? Usagi? Can I talk to you about something?"

The glint in Minako's eyes told Ami she'd been waiting for this. "Is it about your date?"

"Y...yes."

In a flash, Usagi was on the table again. "What's he like? Is he nice? Is he strong? Does he hold you in his arms and whisper gently in your ear and tell you how much--"

"Usagi, let her speak."

Ami struggled to find herself under the onslaught of questions. "I...that is...I've been seeing this person, and..." Finally, the dam broke and she let it all out. "It just seems to be happening so fast. I was lost in class today. I was trying to focus on the lesson and all I could see was this person I've been seeing, and I'm scared and I'm happy and I don't know what's going on half the time but I don't want this to stop. Is...is this normal?"

For just a moment, the two blondes stared quizzically at her, as though they couldn't believe they were hearing this from their bookworm. Then, before she could react, Usagi's arms pulled her forward into a warm hug that only managed to confuse her more. "Oh, Ami, of COURSE it's normal! It's your first love!" A contented sigh escaped the Dumpling Head as she slowly let go of Ami.

"First...love...." Ami tested those words now, and her heart beat a little faster when they rolled off her tongue.

"Yeah," Minako took a seat. "First loves are always special. I still remember mine. And we all know Makoto still remembers hers." A laugh was shared between the trio, but Minako caught the smallest jealous glint in Ami's eye, and that gave her a neat little thrill. "And I couldn't think of anyone better for you to share your heart with than the person you're with now, so treasure what you have."

Usagi pouted, feeling left out. "When do I get to meet this guy?"

"Soon," Ami shot out quickly. Fiddling with her hands, she took a deep breath. "Soon. Not...not today, but...soon."

********************

When Rei and Makoto had returned, Rei threw a fit over Usagi sitting on her table AGAIN. Ami's time had run up, and she had to excuse herself for cram school. The hours there had passed in a daze as she ran over what Usagi and Minako had said to her. Makoto was right; the Senshi of Love was a great person to talk to about these matters. _First love._ With those words still fresh in her mind, she finally arrived home for the night...to find her mother waiting there to greet her.

"Mom...you've been home a lot lately," Ami stated bluntly.

"That's because I'm worried about you, Ami. Now, how was your day?" This wasn't normal. Her mother spent so little time at home...she'd been home longer these past couple days than she usually had for most weeks.

"It was good. I did a lot of studying, and I got my homework done at study group with my friends."

"That's good." Ms. Mizuno stood up from her chair, embracing her daughter. "You know that I am very proud of you, don't you?"

"I know, mom."

"And you know I would never want anything but the best for my little girl."

"I know."

"Now...have you come to a decision about this issue with Makoto Kino?"

"Y...yes." Breaking out of her mother's hug, Ami fought to find her voice. "I have. And...I'm going to keep seeing her."

"Is that right?" The disappointment in her mother's voice ached on her heart, but she knew she had to be strong.

"I thought about it a lot today, and...you say you want the best for me. She _**is**_ the best for me. She makes me happy, like I've never been happy before. I want this. I _**need**_ this, and I'm not willing to just let it go because you're afraid of the future. I'm afraid too, mom. I'm afraid of spending the rest of my life alone. I'm afraid of growing up and becoming a famous doctor and getting everything I ever wanted except anyone to share it with. I'm selfish. I want it all." She hadn't even noticed the tears starting down her face, but it was too late to stop them. Quickly, instinctively, her mother pulled her in again, letting her cry on her shoulder.

"It's okay. It's okay. Let it out." Stroking her daughter's hair, Ms. Mizuno considered her words. "You know I love you, and would never want anything but what is best for you. Have you eaten?"

Ami nodded. "I got something on the way home. I didn't think you'd be home."

"Alright. There's leftovers in the fridge from last night, if you get hungry." Leading her daughter to the couch, she sat her down gently. "I have to go to work. I'm only off for the next half hour. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Ami choked out. "I'm...I'll be fine now."

"Good. If I don't get home before you go to bed, then I will see you tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay." Ami forced a smile to surface. "Okay."

"Okay." Taking her coat, Ms. Mizuno stopped on her way out the door. "I love you, Ami. Even if I don't always agree with the choices you make, I want you to know that."

"I love you too, mom."

Ms. Mizuno hesitated only a moment before stepping out the door and closing it behind her. As she walked to her car, she thought about what Ami had said inside. This Makoto Kino had clearly done a number on her daughter. She had never seen Ami so torn up over anything. Her medical instincts knew the word for this kind of irrational attachment, and seeing the painful reaction to trying to take it away meshed completely with what she had seen firsthand in the hospital: addiction. Her daughter was addicted to this girl the way she, herself, had become addicted to that good for nothing painter when she was young.

Something had to be done. Tomorrow, she would have to speak with Makoto Kino herself. It was the only way to save her child.


	4. Chapter 4: The Reckoning

**CHAPTER FOUR: THE RECKONING**

Makoto lay awake on her couch thinking about the events of that day. Ami had surprised her with how affectionate she was at school. The little bookworm was always so quiet and reserved...but she guessed it made sense, when she thought about it. For as long as she'd known her, Ami had never really shown much interest in dating or relationships. And while, admittedly, she hadn't known Ami when she was younger, she could only imagine it was more of the same: study, homework, study, homework, no real eye for romance.

Romance. That brought a giddy little smile to Makoto's lips. She had actually done it; she had started up something with Ami Mizuno, Sailor Mercury, the girl she'd had her eye on since the day they met. She loved Ami; she had known that for a long time now. She wanted nothing more than to see her smile; to make her happy, to hold her in her arms and see her smile and to love her, truly love her, and to be loved by her. Seeing her every day, feeling the warmth of her smile when she was with them, the Senshi, leaping to her defense whenever anyone dared to speak against her...it kept Makoto going. Being around Ami had helped her deal with the heartbreak of her old sempai. And now, after far too long, she finally had her...they were finally a couple, and it was perfect. Makoto had been afraid that it was too soon to know anything for certain, but after today...after the kiss in the restroom and Ami's surprising suggestion of the gym...that was enough to convince her. Ami was reciprocating; the relationship was as real as Makoto dared hope it would be.

Everything was--

BMP BMP BMP

Was that--? Makoto rose slowly from the couch, her eye turning quickly to the ominous door. It couldn't be Ami; she would have just gotten out of cram school an hour ago, and her mother would be expecting her home. Besides, she'd said she had a lot of homework, and Makoto knew full well how Ami could get with her homework.

BMP BMP BMP

Stepping lightly towards the door, her hand reaching out slowly, Makoto pondered at the possibilities of what may lurk behind it. A robber. A killer. One of her friends in trouble. One of her friends playing a cruel joke. A neighbor kid looking for his mommy. A puppy...no, probably not a puppy.

BMP BMP BMP

Taking a deep breath and grasping the handle firmly, Makoto twisted and opened the door to reveal--

"Ms. Mizuno? Um...can I help you?"

"Good evening, Makoto." Of all the possibilities that had run through her mind, this was certainly not among them. "I do apologize for turning up unannounced, but I believe you and I need to have a talk."

Makoto blanched. A talk. That could only really mean one thing. "Of course. Please, uh...come in." Stepping out of the way, she gestured Ami's mother inward.

"Thank you." Stepping inside, the elder Mizuno took a look around and, she had to admit, the Kino household was very nicely kept. The floors were absolutely spotless. The sofa and the table in front of it were so clean one could choose to eat off either, and the television, turned off at the moment, had not even the smallest streak of glass cleaner across it. Though she didn't want to get distracted from the real reason she was here, she had to admit she was surprised. Makoto's mother must be quite the clean freak to work as much as she did and still have time for this. Speaking of which, she turned back towards Makoto. "Are your parents home?"

Makoto blanched, trying to think of what to say. "No, they're...they're working late tonight. They won't be back until late."

"Of course they are." The elder Mizuno took another look around the room, swallowing hard before speaking again. "I am sure you know why I'm here, Makoto. I want to talk to you about Ami." Turning around to face Makoto, she continued. "I know you care a lot about my daughter."

Makoto was lost for words. She didn't know how the conversation between Ami and her mom had gone, and she didn't want to give away anything unnecessary. "Uh, yeah...we all do. She's a really good friend."

"Allow me to rephrase. I know that you are intimately involved with my daughter." Well, that certainly answered that question. "While I am not certain how long this has been going on, or how far it has gone, that much is certain. However, I have my...concerns."

Makoto sighed. Time to come clean. "If you're worried about how serious it is, please don't be. Ms. Mizuno...I'm in love with Ami. She means the world to me. I would never do anything to hurt her. I know, it must sound strange coming from--"

"--from a woman," Ms. Mizuno finished.

Makoto winced. Then, with a sigh, she followed through. "From a woman. Yeah. But it's the truth." Folding her arms over her chest and taking a seat on the sofa, Makoto suddenly felt very self-conscious. She was proud of her femininity. She always had been. She loved to cook, she loved to clean, she was proud, even vocally proud on occasion, of the size of her busom...but under the steely gaze of Ami's mother, she suddenly couldn't help but think that what she loved so much about herself, what she worked so hard for, was about to cost her everything. She'd been prepared for this awkwardness since Ami's mother had caught them kissing, but that didn't make it any--

"I am not," Ms. Mizuno swallowed hard, then tried again, "..._**not**_ against the prospect of Ami being with a woman." Wait, what? Had Makoto heard that correctly? "I admit, it came as a bit of a shock to me. I had never pegged Ami for being...into women. But then, I had never pegged her as being into men, either. But that is what makes this so difficult. I am not against my daughter's choice of preference, but other people will be." Clearing her throat, Ms. Mizuno continued. "My daughter is a brilliant young lady. She has a real, honest chance to excel. There are so many places she could go from here, so many schools and so many careers that someone of her talents could have in front of her. I am worried what this...association...will do to that."

"Association?" Makoto repeated the words but couldn't make sense of them. Her mind was swimming, trying to take in what Ami's mother was saying to her.

"Let me ask you this." Ami's mother reached for the words she was looking for. "What manner of future can you provide for her?"

The question took Makoto by surprise. "I...don't really know. I haven't thought too much about it."

"Well I have. Ami is going to ace her high school entrance exams. And from there, she's going to get into one of the most prestigious universities in Japan, or perhaps even in the world. It's the future that she deserves, for all her hard work, and I would hate to see anything jeopardize that."

"Ms. Mizuno, I would never dream of holding her back from--"

"No? Then explain to me why she chose to turn down the opportunity of a lifetime, to study medicine in Germany? Before a few days ago, I never could quite understand what would compel her to such a blatant disregard for her future."

Makoto was speechless. The direction this conversation had turned suddenly made her feel ill inside. She struggled for her voice, trying to make sense of what Ami's mother was saying to her. She knew that event hadn't been about her specifically, but it was about them. The Senshi, her friends, and she was included in that. After searching for a moment for a way to explain, her voice finally faded, and the most she could utter was a soft, "I don't know."

"Well, I believe I do. I want what is best for my daughter." Ms. Mizuno paused a moment, balancing the words on her tongue before continuing. She didn't know quite how to put it delicately, so after a few seconds, she just let it out. "And I'm not convinced that's you." With a heavy breath, Ms. Mizuno turned towards the door. "I should probably go."

"Please." Makoto couldn't bear the conversation to run on any longer.

"Just...think about what I've said. If you truly love my daughter as much as you say you do, then you'll know what to do."

Makoto couldn't so much as find the strength to look up from her hands. It was only the click of the door closing that told her Ami's mother was gone, and once she heard that, she could let out the tears she'd been trying to hold back through the conversation. Fear and loneliness gripped its icy claws around her heart, clutching tight to her chest as she fell forward onto the sofa. As much as she tried to refute Ms. Mizuno's words, each accusation had stung too deep for her to pull out. She wanted to be angry, wanted to vent and rage and how dare that woman question her commitment to Ami? But each blow had stuck too deep. The more she thought about it, the more it made her hurt inside.

With tears flooding down her face, she lifted her head from the pillow just long enough to look around the apartment. And as she took in the tidy little home she had managed to keep, she found it hurt even more. What had she thought? That she and Ami would get together and everything would be great? That Ami might actually want to move out of her ENORMOUS CONDO some day and come live alone with her in what barely even passes for an apartment? Ami was going to be a doctor or a lawyer or a scientist, she was going to be rich and using her brilliant mind for the benefit of the world, and Makoto was...what? A chef? She was going to prepare food for people? That would be her share of their future, bringing home a cook's pay to complement her brilliant girlfriend's million dollar life?

As the true horror of Ms. Mizuno's words carved deeper into her soul, Makoto found she couldn't stop from crying harder. Covering her face with the pillow again, she revisited the horrifying doubts that had kept her from approaching Ami for as long as she had. It was something she couldn't deny, something she'd felt in her heart for so long now brought painfully to surface.

_She deserves better than me._

********************

Tuesday came on too fast, and Makoto could barely find the strength to get out of bed. Shuffling her feet through her morning routine, her mind paced frantically back over the talk she'd had last night with Ami's mother. She wanted to believe that she was wrong. She wanted to believe that she really, truly could be good for Ami; that she could love her the way she deserved, could give her everything in her life that she needed. That they could have a future. But every moment became a struggle as her past raced forward to crush her dreams.

Her parents. Her sempai. Her brief infatuation with Motoki. Her brief infatuation with the Moonlight Knight. Every time she had something, every time she actually had the chance to get away from this isolated lifestyle of hers, something had come up to snatch it away. Of course Ami was too good for her. Of course she didn't deserve her. It's the same lesson her life had taught her, again and again. Why should this time be any different?

Class seemed longer than it usually did. The walk to school was harder, and she was sure Ami had noticed how she couldn't look her in the eyes. She was grateful for class beginning so that she could have an excuse not to talk to her, but that could only go on so long. As the instructor droned on about math, she went over the words in her head again for the fifth time. "I want what is best for my daughter. And I'm not convinced that's you."

After what felt like an eternity, lunch came. She couldn't avoid her girlfriend any longer. But what could she say to her? She still wasn't even sure what--

"There you are!" A pair of slender arms grabbed around her waist suddenly, taking her completely by surprised. The way she jumped elicited the slightest hint of a laugh behind her. "I missed you." Ami was careful to separate before she could draw attention to them, but she quickly came around to the front. Yet again, Makoto found she couldn't look her beloved in the face. Not with the thoughts that were running through her mind. "Is everything okay? You seem a little distant."

A little. That was the understatement of the year. "Yeah, I just...I don't know." Looking away, she struggled to find the right words. "...look...Ami. I think...we need to talk."

"Sure." Ami's fingers lightly brushed Makoto's arm. "What are we talking about?"

"Not here." Makoto pulled away quickly. She couldn't do this here. "Please, just...come to my apartment after school. It's important." With that, she took off, walking as quickly as she could down the hall to hide the tears in her eyes and leaving her sapphire-haired goddess standing confused at the end. She couldn't bear to do this here, not when there were people around who might overhear. But no...that wasn't the reason she walked away so fast...she just didn't have the strength to do this yet.

********************

It wasn't long before class was over, and Ami was on her way to Makoto's. She was a little nervous about the way Makoto had been acting earlier. Something was wrong, but she didn't seem especially eager to say what. Was she in trouble? Did she need help? Nervously biting her lip, Ami knocked gently at the door. At first, all she heard was a deafening silence that only served to amplify her fears. Finally, after a few seconds, she heard the sound of movement from inside, followed by the rustling of locks, and the door swung open. "Hi," she tried cheerfully, but the wan frown on Makoto's face shot down her effort at brightening the mood.

"Hey. C'mon in," she muttered, opening the door. Ami stepped inside and was completely astonished at what she saw. Dust had gathered on the table and not been wiped up. The cabinet door lay open in the kitchen, with what must have been this morning's breakfast, an open box of cereal, still set out on the counter. As she stared transfixed at the cereal, she nearly tripped over a pair of pajamas carelessly strewn on the floor. This...what was this place? This was not her Makoto's place. Her Makoto kept a neat and tidy apartment. Her Makoto would have a coronary if she saw--

And then she looked at Makoto again, and suddenly realized how bad she looked. Her hair was a mess. Her half-hearted ponytail had missed much of her hair, which hung loosely around her shoulders. The bags under her eyes betrayed how little sleep she had managed to garner, and the burning redness told Ami that she'd been crying, not just last night, but recently. What could have done this to her? "Makoto?" She stepped closer to Makoto, who had slumped onto the sofa, still refusing to look at her. "Makoto, what is it? What's wrong?" Kneeling down in front of her, she rest her hands on Makoto's knees, craning her head to the side to try and get a better look at her face. But Makoto resisted her attempt by turning her head away. "Come on, you can tell me."

Makoto cleared her throat. This was it. The moment she had been dreading all day. The only conclusion she could come to, after last night had made everything so painfully clear. "Ami..." she bit back the tears, "Ami, I think...maybe...we should back off a bit."

The words hit Ami like a block of ice. Her hands slowly withdrew from Makoto's knees, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to comprehend. Had she actually heard that right? "I...I don't think I understand...."

"Ami, I just don't think I'm the person you should be around right now."

"Oh." A vice gripped tightly to Ami's heart, squeezing it mercilessly against Makoto's words. "Is..." a tear choked her up, forcing her to swallow before she could try again. "Is it me? Did I...did I do something wrong, or...."

"No, you didn't. It's..." Makoto looked down at Ami's face for a moment, then quickly looked away. The pain in her eyes was just too much to bear. "It's me. I just...I'm not what you're looking for, Ami. I'm going nowhere, and I'm not going to drag you down with me. You deserve better than that."

"I don't accept that." There was an edge to Ami's voice that made Makoto wince.

"Ami, look around. This is my life. You're going to go places and you're going to do amazing things and I'm...I'm going to be here. You're going to meet people and-and-and you deserve the chance to...to find someone special. Someone who can give you everything you need."

"But..." Ami pressed her hand to Makoto's leg firmly, "But I...." She had never used these words outside of family before. But right now, more than anything, her heart was telling her to go for it. "I love you."

"No, you don't," Makoto snapped, throwing herself up off the sofa and away from Ami. The pain of a thousand losses stung deep at her heart, and she choked on the sobs she was trying not to let out. "You don't know what love is. We've only been seeing each other a few days, Ami. That isn't love."

The taller girl's words cut like a knife, carving its way deep into the pit of Ami's stomach. She couldn't even find the strength to stand. "Why are you doing this?"

"I just...." Makoto's words came out through broken tears. "I just want what's best for you."

The echo resonated deep in Ami's heart, and suddenly she knew. The clarity shocked and horrified her. "....my mother...my mother put you up to this, didn't she?"

"Is she wrong?" Makoto didn't even try to deny it.

"YES!" Ami was practically in hysterics, throwing herself up from the floor and pacing down on Makoto. "YES, she's WRONG. She's WRONG and-and-and I don't know why you would ever think she isn't because she's...she doesn't understand...she...." her voice finally gave way, fading to a whimper. "I can't lose you."

"Then go ahead and tell me." Makoto tried to turn around, but found she still couldn't look at Ami. She couldn't bear to see the pain she was causing. "What could I possibly offer you? What kind of future can you see with me?"

"I-I don't know, I...I haven't really thought about it...."

"I thought so." Walking to her bedroom door, Makoto stood. "Please...just go. I need to be strong right now, and if this keeps up, I don't know how much longer I can be." Makoto closed the door to her bedroom behind her, barely making it to the bed before her legs gave way beneath her.

********************

Ami stood motionless in the living room. That was it. It was over. Everything that had been going so great in her life was suddenly cut violently short. Gathering her strength, she turned to leave. As she took those first steps out the door, her heart that she had worked so hard to keep together through the fight finally splintered, and the shock of it almost brought her to her knees. She had never known pain like this before; never felt this kind of agony tearing through her soul. With weak, broken steps she stumbled her way down from the Kino apartment, barely finding her way to the street before her legs nearly toppled. Catching herself on a nearby trash bin, she stopped and stared back at Makoto's apartment.

How could this happen? What had her mother said to Makoto that would cause this kind of fracture between them? Questions flooded her mind, but no answer was forthcoming. In the gripping pain, she could barely even consider the options. How could anything be this terrible?

********************

It was done. She had done it. It was hard, it was rough, it was _necessary_, and she'd managed to fight through it. The girl she loved, the person she had loved from the moment she laid eyes on her, had just walked out that door alone. It was the hardest thing Makoto Kino had ever had to do in her life, but she had done it.

Ami would hurt for a while. That much was unavoidable. But eventually she would move on. She'd forget she ever had feelings for Makoto. She would find a guy--or a girl, for that matter--who would be able to give her everything that she deserved, everything Makoto herself couldn't. Someone bright and funny and talented, someone she could truly fall in love with and who could truly love her back. And she would be happy. Truly, blissfully happy, the way she deserved. The way Makoto wished she could provide.

But that still didn't make it hurt less. Because as much as she knew that Ami would get over this, she also knew she never would. That her one chance at true happiness had just walked out the door at her own urging. And that horrible knowledge was enough to make her seriously wonder why she even bothered with romance. She knew she was destined to be alone; all it ever brought her was more pain. All it ever did for her was reinforce just how lonely and isolated her life is from everybody else.

Lost in her own remorse, Makoto didn't even notice the hours ticking by. If she'd drifted off to sleep, she couldn't tell. The dark seemed just as empty inside and out. It wasn't until the dull ringing of the phone brought her back to her senses, that she realized how long she'd been lying there. She started to get up, to reach the phone, but decided against it. Lying back down, she just let it ring. After the fourth ring, it fell silent, and she could be alone again.

Five minutes passed. Then ten. She contemplated the number of dots in her ceiling. It was stupid and pointless, but it took her mind off Ami. Another five minutes. And then there was that damn phone again.

Sighing, she got out of bed and walked out into the hall. The phone rang its third ring as she reached for the handle, pulling it off the hook. "Yeah?" she grumbled weakly into the receiver.

"Makoto?" It was Minako. Great. Senshi of Love. Just who she needed to chew her out right now. "Is Ami with you?" There was a desperation in her voice that piqued Makoto's curiosity.

"Uh...no. You know what time it is?"

"Yeah, I know. Usagi's been calling everybody. She's frantic." That must have been the call earlier. "Listen...." Minako's next words shook Makoto back to life. In all the years she had lived, few things had ever rattled her core quite this badly. She could barely breathe as she took in what the Love Senshi had said to her.

"Usagi got a call from Naru. Ami never showed up to Cram School."


	5. Chapter 5: Just Swing

**CHAPTER FIVE:JUST SWING  
**

Fear gripped Makoto's heart like a vice when she heard Minako say those words. "Ami never showed up to Cram School." Makoto took a moment to swallow, trying to gather her thoughts. She knew Ami. It was terribly unlike her to ever miss a class. She couldn't speak. She couldn't think. She was lost in the fear that held firmly to her.

"Makoto? Did something happen between you two?"

"I...." She couldn't lie. She could barely even breathe. Minako would know in a heartbeat if she answered falsely, and right now she couldn't even see straight enough to think of anything. "...I broke up with her."

"What?!"

"I didn't think she'd take it so hard. We've only been seeing each other a little while now. I didn't know...I didn't...." Tears filled her eyes, but she struggled to hold her ground against the urge to cry. She wasn't ready to talk about it but Ami could be in trouble and she just didn't know what to do or how to help.

She could hear the uncertainty in Minako's voice as she spoke. As though she was afraid of setting her off, but she had to ask. "Why would you do something like that? Didn't...weren't you the one that instigated this? The way you spoke to me before, it sounded like you were completely, irreversably in love with Ami."

"I...I don't know...." Makoto's back slid down the wall, her body crumpling to the floor as she pulled her legs in tight to her chest. Cradling the phone with her ear, she bit back at the tears that threatened to break her voice, but the pain refused to stay hidden entirely. "It's just that...she's better off," she admitted. "She can do better than me."

"Oh, please," Minako scoffed. "That's never a good reason for breaking someone's heart."

Makoto winced at the accusation. "We were together less than a week. That's not a lot of time to really invest herself in the relationship. I'm sure she'll get over it."

"Like you got over your sempai?" Minako's words were a knife carving deeper into Makoto's heart. "How long, exactly, did it take you to fall for him? Because I can tell you how long it took me to fall for Alan, and it certainly did not take a week. First loves aren't logical, Makoto. They don't stick to a timescale."

"First love...." She hadn't really considered that much, and the revelation stung like ice. She suddenly felt lower than pondscum; lower even than her sempai for what she'd done. For leading Ami on, for taking her heart and twisting it the way she had. She couldn't fight the pain any longer, Realizing just how bad she'd hurt her azure beloved, the floodgates blew upon and the tears fell hard down her cheeks. "I never should have started with her," she cried, unable to restrain herself. "This whole thing was a mistake."

Sensing the change in her composure, Minako softened her voice. "Love is never a mistake, Makoto. You weren't wrong to shoot for it. The only thing you've done wrong is giving up."

"Please," Makoto sobbed. "What else could I do? She's going to have an amazing life and an amazing future, and I'm going to be stuck here. She deserves so much. What could I possibly have to offer her?"

"Love," Minako answered, without even a moment's hesitation. "What else matters?"

Makoto couldn't answer. She couldn't find words that would sound right against Minako's optimism.

After a moment's beat, Minako sighed. "Listen, we're all meeting at the Hikawa Shrine. We're going to look for Ami. Usagi already checked her house; all the lights were off and the door was locked. She sent Luna in, but she turned up nothing." Makoto knew Ami always kept a window open for Luna; Luna seemed to like her even more than Usagi herself.

"I'll be there." Minako didn't even have to ask. "I need to find her. I'll...I'll be there."

"Alright. Thank you. And Makoto?"

"...yeah?"

"I want you to really think about tonight. You and Ami are so good together. I would hate to see you miss out on your chance for real, true love because of your own insecurities. You deserve the right to be happy."

And there was that pang of guilt again. "Thanks, Minako. I'll...I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask." With that, the Senshi of Love hung up the phone, and Makoto pulled her legs in tighter to her chest. She knew she needed to get up, needed to head out the door and head down for the Hikawa Shrine, but right now..._oh, kami, what have I done?_

_********************_

Makoto was out the door five minutes later. She'd managed to throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, which would have to be enough. She didn't have time for anything else. Slamming the door behind her, she didn't even think to lock it as she bolted--

--almost plowing down Ami's mother in the process. "Ms. Mizuno?! I'm sorry, I didn't--"

"Is Ami here?" The fear and trepidation in Ami's mother's voice was impossible for Makoto to miss, as was the stinging redness in her eyes that told Makoto she'd been crying. "Please. If my daughter is here, if this is some kind of lesson or--"

"No, she isn't," Makoto answered. "I was just on the way out to look for her."

"She took a bag," Mizuno blurted out. "I got a call from her cram school...when I got home, she wasn't there. That duffel she keeps in her closet was missing, and a lot of her clothes and books and...I think she...."

"I know." Makoto rest a hand on Mizuno's shoulder to brace her. "Listen, I'm going to go look for her. I think I know why she left. I'm going to talk to her."

"This is...because of me, isn't it?"

Makoto couldn't lie to Ami's mom. "It's 'cause of both of us. But that's not important now. What matters right now is finding Ami before...before anything happens to her."

"Do you know where to look?"

"I have a few ideas." Makoto looked off into the distance. She knew the others had already tried Ami's Sailor Communicator, but she wanted to give it a shot nonetheless. She'd give that a try once she was on her way to the Hikawa Shrine, and away from Mizuno.

"I don't....I don't even know where to start." Makoto could hear the guilt and self-doubt in Mizuno's voice. "You were the only person I could think of when I knew she'd gone missing. I know she likes books...studying...but I can't even think of where she might run off to. Oh, kami...I've been a terrible mother."

Turning her attention back to Mizuno, Makoto placed her left hand on her other shoulder and looked her right in the eyes, biting back her own niggling fear. She had to be strong right now; they both had to be. "No, you're not. So you've made a few mistakes. We all have. But right now, we're going to **_find Ami_** and everything is going to be okay."

Mizuno was silent at first. But as the moment passed, she could see into Makoto's eyes, see the fire of love burning for her daughter, the sheer, raw determination to make everything okay, and it made her feel weak. Who was this person that Ami apparently cared so deeply about? "You...you're right. Th...thank you," she said as she turned away towards the car, "I'm going to go look for her. Stay here in case she--"

"She won't come here. Not after...not after tonight."

"Of course." Mizuno had her suspicions about what had caused Ami to react so horribly, but this confirmed them.

"I'll go look for her. You should head back home." Starting down the walk, Makoto called back over her shoulder. "Someone should be there in case she shows up."

"But...shouldn't you wait for your parents? I'm sure when they get home--"

They're not...." Makoto stopped suddenly. There was no easy way to say it, and there was no other way to explain. "...they're not coming home. Ever. They, uh...they passed away. A long time ago." It took every ounce of strength she had to keep the bitter memory from coming back to surface; she didn't know if she could handle both it and Ami's disappearance at the same time.

"...oh my, Makoto, I...I had no idea. I'm so --"

"Don't be." Biting her tongue to keep from crying, she started walking again. "It was a long time ago, and there isn't time to worry about it now."

Ms. Mizuno was left standing on the walk, in front of Makoto's apartment. The implications of what she had just heard roared through her head. She couldn't think. She could barely even breathe. But...Makoto was right. There would be time to go over everything later. The only thing that mattered right now was Ami.

********************

"I'm here! I'm here." Makoto was the last to arrive, racing up the stairs to the expectant stare of Minako. Rei was seated on the front steps of the shrine while Usagi paced back and forth in front of her. "Sorry, I had a little trouble on my way out." Usagi stopped, looking up and meeting her somber gaze. "Any luck?"

"Nuh-uh." Usagi looked back down at her arms, folded across her chest. "Mamoru's still out searching. He promised he'd call if he found her, but she could be anywhere by now."

"This isn't like her," Rei stood from her perch. "She's never done anything like this before. Why would Ami run off all of a sudden?"

"Maybe she failed a test?" Usagi offered. "Like, really badly failed?"

"Ami would have to get YOUR grades to go this far," Rei snapped. "And that strains credibility so much she would have to be possessed."

"Well, I don't see anyone else coming up with--"

"It's not her grades," Makoto admitted. "It's..." She looked away, down the steps of the shrine. She couldn't bear to look at any of them. "It's because of the stupid jerk that broke her heart."

"Oh, Ami..." The concern in Usagi's voice twisted the knife a little in Makoto's gut.

"Alright," Minako entered the conversation. "We have to find her. If we split up, we can probably find her easier. I've tried her communicator, and she isn't answering." Makoto knew that well enough; she'd tried too. Six times on the way over, and not a one had been fortuitous. She guessed Ami probably didn't want to talk to her right now. "I'll go look around by the school, see if she's there."

"Alright," Makoto offered, "I'll check the park. I'd hate for her to be in a place like that at night."

Rei stepped forward as she spoke. "I'll head down by her house and see if I can find her en route to any of our places. But we're probably not going to find her anywhere she might go; if she ran away, she doesn't want to be found."

"We have to find her!" Minako insisted. "Before she does something...bad...."

"I spoke to her mom," Makoto assured. "She took a bag with her. Which means wherever she's going, she isn't planning on coming back. But she's not planning on hurting herself or anything like that.

"Alright." Minako seemed at least a bit more confident with that. "Let's hurry. There's any number of things that could happen to her this late."

"Right. Come on!" Makoto was the first down the stairs, and the first out of the shrine.

"Great!" Usagi stood and watched the others go, realizing she hadn't actually been given anywhere to look. "I'll...uh...I'll stay here then...wait for Mamoru to call...." As the others disappeared down the stairs, her excitement lingered for a moment, before it gave way to a small pout and she headed into the shrine.

********************

The old rusty swingset creaked under Ami's weight, as she rocked gently back and forth in its seat. One hand clutched tenderly to the chain holding up the swing, while the other stuck tightly to her heart. She could still hear Makoto's horrible words in her mind. "You don't know what love is!" Looking down at her bare knees sticking out from the skirt of her school uniform, she let a few tears drip onto the fabric as she strained to understand.

Her duffel rest at her feet, filled with clothes and books and various odds and ends that she felt she'd need...wherever it was she decided to go. She still didn't know what she was going to do. It wasn't like her to be this rash and impulsive, but after everything with her mother and Makoto, it just hurt too much to stay there anymore.

She knew this playground from when she was just a little girl. She had gone to elementary school nearby, and she remembered driving past it every day with her mother. She could see all the children playing and having fun, but they always just drove by. One day, she asked her mother if they could stop so that she could play for a while with the other kids.

"No, dear," was her reply. "You have to study. You're going to make something of yourself one day, and you don't have time to get distracted by frivolous pursuits."

She had never understood that answer. She never understood why she couldn't just go out and play like normal kids, but slowly she'd allowed it to become engrained into her. She had to study. She had to read. She had to stay indoors like the good little bookworm. And over the years, she'd forgotten about that playground, and about those kids, and about all the little things she had wanted to do that she was just too busy studying for.

She never got to go play on that playground. And she never even realized how sad and miserable it had made her, until just a few days ago. Makoto had opened up a well of old feelings she had bottled up a long time ago. Being loved by her reminded her of everything she couldn't have, and being rejected so harshly tonight served only to remind her how lonely it had all made her. All she wanted was to go play on that playground, and Makoto had shut it down.

All she could do now was sit in her swing and think about everything she couldn't have. And try to figure out where she was going to go.

********************

It was a bloody miracle she even found her. Rei crouched hidden behind a bush, just outside a playground a few blocks down from Ami's house. She'd been trying to take a shortcut to get to the library, her next idea for places Ami might go, when she'd stumbled upon the familiar sight of blue hair mixed with the faint sound of a creaky swing. She knew Ami hadn't noticed her; the Senshi were all very talented when it came to avoiding attention while spying on each other. Taking care to ring only Makoto, Usagi, and Minako's communicator watches and NOT Ami's, lest she accidentally tip her off and set her running, she called in what she found.

"She's at a playground by 32nd and Toshiba. She's got a duffel bag with her. I'm going to try to talk to her--"

"No!" Makoto insisted. "Wait for me. I'll be there in ten minutes."

Rei scoffed. "She might not BE here in ten minutes."

"Please. It's important." There was an urgency in Makoto's voice that gave Rei pause. "I can't explain, but...I'm the one she needs to talk to right now. Please, just wait for me."

She didn't quite understand it, but the concern and haste in Makoto's voice convinced Rei. "Alright. But if she starts to bolt, I'm on her. Get here quick, okay?"

********************

Makoto was wrong. It wasn't ten minutes. She managed to make it in less than eight, though she was markedly out of breath when she finally came upon the old playground Rei was talking about. And there, still seated in her little swing apart from the world, was Ami Mizuno, the girl who stole her heart and whose heart she had broken trying to take it back. "Ami...." She didn't know what to say. As she walked slowly up, she ran through ideas in her head.

_Ami, I'm sorry. Ami, I'm an idiot. Ami, love is like a fine dinner, cooking slowly with the heat of passion, but without any guidebook to tell you how to prepare it. Ooh, that one's good. I should--she saw me._

Makoto froze, just past the old slide, staring at Ami like a deer caught in the headlights. The creaking stopped as Ami stopped her swing, and for a moment, everything was silence. Makoto could feel her heart racing faster as she fought to bring her words to surface, but it wasn't until Ami grabbed her duffel bag and turned to run that she managed to blurt out, "Ami, I cooked a guidebook!"

Ami stopped, confused. Turning back towards Makoto with one eyebrow raised, she asked the only question she could possibly ask: "What?"

Great. That didn't even make sense. Makoto looked down for a moment, trying to bring coherency to her voice before trying again. "Ami, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't...I didn't realize how much you cared about me." She stepped closer to Ami, but stopped when she saw Ami reflexively take a step back. "I thought...I don't know. I guess I thought you were humoring me or something."

"My mother put you up to it." The accusation was as cold as it was accurate.

"...she and I talked, yeah. She's really worried about you, though. And I...I'm worried too. Ami, I don't want anything to happen to you. I was so scared when I found out you were missing. I--"

"You didn't seem so concerned this evening," The sharpness in her voice tore deeply into Makoto, and she knew she couldn't deny it.

Looking down, she realized this was going nowhere. Dropping to her knees in the sand under the slide, she couldn't bring herself to look at Ami anymore. "I understand that you're angry. And it's my fault. I've screwed everything up." Blinking away her tears, she finally managed to raise her head and look her azure goddess in the eyes. She didn't care if Rei was listening anymore. She didn't care if anyone was listening. The pain was just too much to bear. "I love you so much, Ami. You're the sweetest, smartest, most amazing person I've ever met. After I lost my sempai, when I was alone again, I didn't think I'd ever find anyone that could really make my life great again. But then I met you, and every day that I've known you has felt like a gift from the heavens, like all the horrible things I'd been through in my life were just building up to this one great, wonderful connection that made it all feel like it was really worth it. I feel like I don't deserve someone as perfect as you are, and...and now I've hurt you. And I can't say enough how sorry I am for that, but...I don't want to lose you. I understand you can probably never trust me that intimately again, but I would like it if we could at least go back to being friends. That'll...that'll be enough for me."

The wind started to pick up, running a chill across Makoto's body. She looked back down at the sand beneath her, waiting for Ami's response. When it finally came, it was like icicles prickling across her back, a pain that arced lightning through her body and made her heart stop. One simple word: "No." For the moment, time stood still. Makoto couldn't move. She couldn't breathe. Her world was crumbling around her, and she was powerless to stop it. "I don't want to be your friend." These words cut deeper into her core, and she found she couldn't stop the tears from coming.

"I...I understand," she choked out through broken sobs. As she started to her feet, she turned away, realizing she couldn't carry this on any longer. She had screwed up so bad, and it hurt too much for her to bear now. But as she started to go, she was surprised by the weight on her arm, as Ami moved forward and grasped her wrist to keep her from leaving.

"No, you don't." The smaller girl's voice was stern, but there was a tenderness to it that caught Makoto by surprise. "Makoto, I...I eat stale leftovers over a sink to save time. I drink milk out of the carton because I'm too busy to find a glass. I'm socially awkward, I'm horrible at parties, I wouldn't know a good time if it hit me in the face. I rarely come out of my shell and when I do it's just to find another book. I'm not perfect. I'm not great. I'm just...I'm just Ami."

This time it was Makoto's turn to be confused. "I don't--"

"Hold on, I'm not finished. This time, it's my turn to talk and it's your turn to listen. You've put me on this pedestal and I feel like I can't live up to what you believe I am, because I'm not perfect. I'm just a human being, like everyone else. But this last week with you...it was the first time I've ever really felt like I didn't have to try to BE perfect for everyone around me. It felt like I could just relax and be Ami, and that made me feel better than I ever have before. I never knew what I was missing until I had you. I don't...I don't WANT to be your friend, Makoto. I can't be your friend. I want to be your girlfriend, and I want things to be like they have been. I want you to love me. To look at me the way you did the night we had our first date." Pulling both of her arms around Makoto, Ami pressed into her, resting her head gently on the taller girl's ample busom. "I don't care what my mom says about us. The only thing I want right now is to be with you."

Makoto wrapped her arms tightly around Ami's shoulders, cradling her head in her chest and resting her chin on her forehead. She could feel the mix of love and relief warming her body as she held tightly to her beloved. She couldn't believe what she had almost given up for her foolish self-doubt. She couldn't speak. She couldn't think. All she could do was bask in the warmth of Ami's embrace, and thank her star that Ami hadn't given up on her.

********************

Rei bit her fingernails nervously as she watched events unfold. Makoto was the mysterious "guy" that Ami was dating this whole time? Ooh, how it must have grated Makoto's nerves to be referred to as "the guy" every time they talked about "him". She knew Makoto had major issues with that.

She didn't even know how to react to this right now. She was just taking in the sight. Ami was wrapped up in Makoto's arms and it looked like the two had managed to make things work. She felt good for them both, though she didn't know what she would feel in the long term. Ami never really struck her as the type to be very interested in girls...or boys, really...or anyone at all.

And Minako knew. That realization hit her like a sack of bricks. Minako had full knowledge of this whole thing as it was happening, and they'd kept it a secret from her and Usagi. That grated her, but she could go after them later about it. Right now...what mattered right now was that it looked like everything was going to be okay, and Ami was fine.

And maybe, just maybe, if she watched long enough...she'd see them kiss.

********************

"You know," Ami broke the silence. "You...were right about one thing."

"What's that?" Makoto ran her hand through Ami's short, beautiful hair.

"I don't know what love is like. I've never...I've never been in love before. All I know about it is from my books, and that's...that's not enough for a legitimate diagnosis." Pulling back just enough to look up into Makoto's eyes, she smiled. "But I'd like to learn. Will you show me?"

Lowering her face just a few inches above Ami's, Makoto could feel her warm breath on her cheeck. Touching the tips of their noses together, she gazed lovingly into her azure beauty's eyes. "I would love to."

"Kiss! Kiss!" Usagi's voice was easily recognizeable to both, as the odango jumped up and down from the nearby fence. With a sigh, Makoto knew the moment was broken, and started to pull back. She was, however, interrupted by Ami pushing herself up and forward, capturing her lips before she could go anywhere. "Whooo!" was all she heard behind her before she closed her eyes and was lost in the passion of Ami's lips.

This. This was perfect. She didn't know how she could ever have been so blind as to let this go.


End file.
